drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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