good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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