who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
