i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
