I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
