Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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