I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
