I bet he comes in French.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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