He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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