But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
