if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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