my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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