do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
