who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize