why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize