You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
