one two three fourrrrnication!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
