Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
