I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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