My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
