Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
