yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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