Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
