At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
