i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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