Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I supernannyed him into submission
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
