im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
