so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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