And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize