Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just forgot I was standing up.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
