a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
