She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
