I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
is that a dick in a sweater?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
