Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
