One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
