I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
