I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
