somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
