GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
