On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
