Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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