So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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