There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
