Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
