and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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