she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
