I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
