He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
