Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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