gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
