Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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