We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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