Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
