Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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