I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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