This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
