Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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