i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
