She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
