I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
