I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
