your parents love me but you hate me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize