Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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