Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
