I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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