I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
