can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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