Can Purell be used as lube?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
