Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
