Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
