I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize