I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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