Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize