Tell her she can't have a vagina
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
