Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize