i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
