Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
