turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
