Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
