dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
