Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
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