Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
