We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
