I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
