Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
