Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
