is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
