I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
