it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
