You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I look better un-naked...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
