Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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