I smell stomach acid.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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