You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
